I’m a Human, and I Make Mistakes

I lost it this morning. I mean totally, completely, lost my shit this morning. And the worst part is…I lost it on my 7 year old daughter. We have limited time in the morning, and she wouldn’t finish her breakfast. Normally I wouldn’t care, but she is on medication, and always asks that I dissolve it into the milk in her cereal. And today, she refused to finish it. On top of that, it was 5 minutes past the time we needed to leave, and she wasn’t even dressed.

I yelled. I yelled so loudly that I hoped my neighbours weren’t home. My son stood by and covered his ears. And my daughter cried. And I broke down. I have spent all morning feeling like shit. By the time we left, and I had apologized profusely, she looked at me and said “I forgive you”. And I felt even worse. My daughter didn’t deserve that, and she shouldn’t have to forgive me. I know if somebody did that to me, I wouldn’t have been so quick to forgive.

I don’t know how to make it up to her. Afterwards, all I could think about was how she must have felt while I was yelling at her. Is she going to be thinking about it all day, like I am? Have I affected her mental health? Have I made her afraid of me?

I can say “I’m human, I make mistakes”, but I don’t feel human. I feel like a monster. I know we can’t be perfect, but we can be better. I can be better. I made her a promise this morning, that I would never do that again. I told her she didn’t deserve that, and it was NOT okay for me to act like that. And do you know what she said? She said “Maybe we can have a better day tomorrow.” And again, she broke my heart. How can she be so mature about this when I acted so terribly?

I know that I make mistakes, but I can’t ever make this one again.

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4 thoughts on “I’m a Human, and I Make Mistakes

  1. twistingsuburbia says:

    The fact that you not said more than just “I’m sorry” – that you offered a genuinely apologized means a lot. As a mother to a teen, I would re-think the “I’ll never do it again” promise, but I understand the sentiment behind the promise. Kids are more resilient than you realize, and we are harder on ourselves than we should be. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to your kids – you are only human

    And tomorrow is another day.

    Liked by 1 person

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