Déja Vu

Do you ever get that eerie feeling when you’ve been there before? Like you’re repeating the same event? I had that feeling this morning, and it wasn’t good.

Once again, my daughter decided that not only did she not need to take her medication, she also didn’t need to get dressed. On top of that, she decided the best way to communicate that to me was by screaming, crying, and spitting at me. Like, wtf, right?

This was all too familiar, and it took all I had not to react like I did last time. I came close, though. Really close to just totally losing my shit. My voice definitely got louder than I wanted it to, but I managed to not completely lose control. Instead, I went outside and just sat there in the cold for a bit, maybe thinking if I could physically cool down, I could mentally cool down?

We’re trying to find ways to deal with emotions, but some days, it just seems so futile! Like no matter what we do, these feelings just boil over, and we blow our tops. We had both calmed down by the time we had to leave the house, but that hasn’t stopped me from feeling guilty.

Does she get her temper from me? Did I do something wrong? How can I expect her to calm herself down when I can’t seem to do it for myself? We’re getting there, though. One angry little baby step at a time.

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